I SAW WHAT YOU DID

I SAW WHAT YOU DID -

This suspenseful comedy is about 2 teenage girls out to have a good time on a typical suburban Friday night. It's the 1960's, parents often go out to the country club for cocktail parties, leaving their teenage daughters to baby sit the youngest little rugrat. Once mom and dad are out drinking their martinis, the girls go wild by making prank phone calls. Oh the good old days of no caller ID and every one's phone number is listed in the phone book.


Joan Crawford had about 15 minutes of screen time in this William Castle classic, but what wonderful 15 minutes! She plays Amy Nelson, Amy is in love with Steve Marak her next door neighbor, played by John Ireland. For a long time Amy knows Steve has a miserable wife name Judith, when Steve finally lets Judith have it; he made a such racket and left a mess in the shower...it's no wonder nosey neighbor Amy discovers what he did.

Amy decides to blackmail Steve into marrying her, well what can Steve do? In the mist of all this chaos, Steve gets a prank phone call from the 2 teenage girls. After a couple of calls one of the girls develops a crush on the man on the other line.

This movie teaches a good lesson about making prank phone calls and talking to strangers, it is good for young children to watch this at home alone, when mom and dad are out getting drunk, it will put them back in their best behavior.

Sharyl Locke plays little Tess Mannering, a spunky 6 year old who gets tossed around, chased by a killer and a butcher knife is thrown at her, still she manages to escape outwitting the killer. Which is more than I can say about the 2 older girls.

As usual the best scene belong to Joan Crawford when she catches the little tramp peeping into her lover's living room from the back yard, she looked amazing! Wearing a chandelier as a necklace and her orange colored wig, Joan grabs the little hussy by the hair and throws her to the car screaming "GET OUTTA HERE!!" a masterpiece!!

HOLIDAY AFFAIR

HOLIDAY AFFAIR-

This corny Christmas melodrama stars Janet Leigh and Robert Mitchum, Leigh plays the single mom working as a secret shopper she got Mitchum fired because he did not expose her to his boss. Leigh has a 6 year old son Timmy played by Gordon Gebert who is the central character of the movie.
Timmy thought a train set his mom brought home from work was going to be his Christmas gift, but later he finds out the truth and was extremely disappointed, until Christmas morning he discovers Santa Claus did leave him the train set! Until later Leigh discovers the gift was from Mitchum, who was out to break up Leigh and her fiance played by Wendall Corey.

Janet Leigh looks about 18 here and extremely hot too, no wonder Mitchum came out of nowhere decides to horn in someone else's fiancee. According to Mitchum's character, any man is allowed to fall in love with any woman even when she is someone else's fiancee. Truth is Leigh is sick of her job as a secret shopper and wants a father for her son, she decides to marry Corey so he will pay for all her bills from on.

What's funny about this movie is that everyone in the film hates Wendal Corey's character, no one wants Leigh to marry him, from the 6 year old son to Leigh's dead husband's parents. Everyone want her to marry Mitchum eventhough he came out of nowhere, but they think he's perfect for her because he bought Timmy the train eventhough he got fired from his job.

Some minor laughs here and there about this movie, I guess Christmas does bring out the joy in me...I like Christmas movies that has a lot to do with department stores and phoney snow fall, it must be nice to live in Hollywood where they get white Christmas every year!

DEADLY EYES

DEADLY EYES-

Just like "Ratatouille" this movie is about rats who like to eat...except these rats are the size of a raccoon and they eat people! This wonderful made for Drive-In movie looks like something out of the late '70's but it was made in 1982. It's a simple story about after some radiation or strange chemical leak in the city's sewers, hundreds of rats turned into giant flesh eating monsters! Living in the sewers system, they have access to every house in the city, and with the new subway system is about to open, people's lives are in danger!

A bunch of no names are featured in this movie, as matter of fact, I don't recall any special effects either...the rats are shot in a set with smaller furniture to make them look bigger, there weren't a lot of interaction with the victims and the killer rats. Even the scene where the little toddler was sitting in her high chair, while her baby sitter is in the livingroom getting high with her friends; you only see the rats tugging on the end of the baby's night gown then the next shot you see is the baby in the high chair toppling off to the side of the screen, later after the sitter is done with her orgy she finds a bloody bib on the kitchen floor!

This movie brings a lot of joy to me as I watch people run for their lives screaming while cutting to close-ups of rats to make them look larger. This movie has a suprise ending as well, so stick to the end to catch it!

IT"S ALIVE!

IT"S ALIVE-

Whoever thought of making a movie about killer babies is a pure genious! That's what "It's Alive" is about, somewhere out there women are giving birth to monster babies with fangs and butcher knives, the babies about out to kill anyone who stands in there way whenever they are frightened. It gives "I want my mommy" a whole new light...parents look at that new bundle of joy in you arms, when little JR doesn't get his way, do you think he's capable of grabbing the nearest sharp object and cut you to pieces? Of course he can!

This movie is so great that that in there's even a sequel "It's Alive Again" 4 years later, the second one is about an island is use to hold refuse to for the parents of the killer babies. The special effects in these movies are limited, you only get to see the shadow of the killer babies and then when you do see them they are lit in a very dim light. It's pretty obvious that they are made of rubber and show resemblances to Chucky of "Child's Play" ( basically the same concept).

This is a fun drive-in quality movie not to be viewed alone, not because it's so scary, but it's a lot of fun that just have to be shared!

SHE LIVES!

Is another ABC's Movie of the Week. it's the made for TV version of "Love Story". The one thing I remember most of this yarn is they used Jim Croche's "Time in a bottle" as the theme song, this pre-dates the MTV music video days where every movie is linked to a pop song.

"She Lives!" stars Desi Arnaz Jr. and 70's super model Season Hubley. Hubley plays the terminally ill Pam Rainey, Arnaz is Andy Reed, her lover, who stood by her all the way from the start to help her sustain her will to live. The young couple ends up shacking up with some voodoo doctor working along with him to doexperiment on her with various organic substances to help her through.

This is suppose to be a tear jerker, the film contains moments like Pam ranting and screaming about dying and giving up, so Reed has to do his Dr. Phil and give her some tough love by slapping her in the face telling her : "You are not going to die. You are not going to die. You are not going to die."

I think the following summer a top 40 single by titled "Rocky" (not the Stallone film) by Austin Roberts, once again touched on the dying teenagers in love theme, with lyrics like "Rocky I've been in love before, don't know if I can do it..." followed by "Rocky I never had a baby before, don't if I can do it"...leading to "Rocky I never had to die before....."

The title of the movie pretty much gives away the ending, but the hokey 70's quality really makes this a good belly laugh, things like the fashion and recalling Hubely on the covers of "Seventeen" magazine and various teen-age ads can make anyone roll their eyes and giggle.

ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW

ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW-

Is one of those "Independent films" that follow the path of "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Ghost World"...it's just about some off beat characters living their dull suburban lives. Eventhough there are some funny moments and jokes in this film, however there are a couple of quite disturbing things that involve children that I am not quite sure how to take it.

A six year boy and his brother while visiting a chat room has started a make believe romance with a grown woman, leaving comments like: "I poop inside you and you poop back in me and we go back and forth...forever" To a 6 yr old it's kind of funny but knowing they are children chatting with a grown up online in an adult chat room really bring out how sick the world is today.

But on the lighter side of things the writer and director of this film, Miranda July plays Christine Jesperson, a lousy performance artist trying to get her show at a local art gallery. Christine has to beg the crazy curator of the gallery to view her portfolio. Meanwhile the curator herself is occupied with figuring out whether or not the current "Garbage Art exhibit" at her gallery really contain her coffee mug as part of the display or if it's really something created by the artist as he claimed it is.

There's also a humorous infatuation Christine has on a shoe salesman and the silly antics she uses to attract his attention. The shoe salesmen is played by John Hawkes, who is also the single father of the 2 chat room boys, the younger brother is a 6 yr old who enjoys pooping outside in the garden at 6 a.m in the morning while no one is around.

I don't know what to make about this movie as a whole but if you watch the DVD, feel free to fast forward to some of the more funny scenes...There's one that involves the school principal and a 14 year old demonstrating how to escape if one of the students happen to walk in the classroom with a bomb, using a can of orange pop as a prop.

ARE YOU BEING SERVED THE MOVIE

ARE YOU BEING SERVED (THE MOVIE)

I love this show...yeah I know...as much as I enjoy the TV show, the movie doesn't hold up as well. For one thing it's basically the same lame shtick stretched out to 90 minutes, without the laugh track in the background the jokes really sink, it's like trying to make a witty comment and end up with a blank stare from you audience.

In this movie, the staff of Grace Brothers Department store go on a holiday to Costa Plonka while the department store is closed for renovation. They end up in a dumpy hotel owned by Don Carlos Bernardo played by Andrew Sachs (Manuel from "Fawlty Towers), later there is a revolution going on in this foreign country and the staff end up as hostages.

Each character are put through the same kind of jokes as they do on the show, like Captain Peacock and Mr. Lucas were up to the usual no good to get Miss Brahms to sleep with them, as expected they end up seducing Mrs. Slocombe by mistake. There is a big gun battle towards the end with lots of explosions to justified this being a movie over being just another episode.

I can't think of any TV show has had a successful transition to the big screen, unless perhaps "Star Trek". But as far as making a regular TV series out of a movie, I think any one of the films that has been posted on this blog would make a great weekly serial.

THE BIRDS

THE BIRDS

Wow what can I say about this one...PURE LAUGHING ENJOYMENT! People running for their lives...birds attacking a whole town....a farmer get his eyes pecked out....a love triangle and an overly possessive mother...all the elements to a wonderful Hitchcock classic!

What I like best about this movie is that it starts out so innocently with Melanie Daniels played by Tippi Hedren, spoiled rich girl out to get her man Mitch Brenner (Rod Taylor). Brenner who is over 40 years old lives with his mother and 11 year old sister in a small town way out in the bay near San Francisco.

But Melaine's plan comes to halt when the town she visits is under attack by birds! Birds of all sizes and species everywhere! Killing children, old people and turn the whole town of Bodega Bay upside down! In the end nothing is resolved!

I love this movie not only for the terror but there are so many unanswered questions, like why did the birds attack? What's the mystery behind Mitch's and his ex-girlfriend Annie's relationship? Why is Mitch's mother acting so cold and strange? Why is there such a huge age difference between Mitch and his younger sister? What will become of Melaine and Mitch? And what is that long annoying nursery rhyme the kids kept singing at the school? What is the mystery behind those love birds Melaine brought from San Francisco? Are they responsible for the attack? Who's that crazy old lady at the diner who is so into ornithology? What happened to that hysterical woman who kept screaming at Melaine, blaming her for the attack: "YOU'RE EVIL EVIL!"?

A wonderful classic horror, thriller, love story and comedy not to miss! I've watched this over a hundred times and I still love every minute of it...Come on sing along with me....Risselty-rossilty, now now now....

MURDER HE SAYS

MURDER HE SAYS-

Anything with Hillbillies in it creeps me out and "Murder he says" is the creepiest of Hillbilly movie I have ever seen! This stars Fred MacMurray as Pete Marshall, Pete's out in the woods somewhere to look for a missing coworker. The coworker is presumed dead, murdered by a family of rednecks by the name of the Fleagles. This movie is a combination of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Beverly Hillbillies".

Grandma Fleagle is played by Mabel Paige, a mean old whiskey drinking, whip carrying, cold blooded killer, she is the leader of this band of inbreed. Peter Whitney plays a dual role of hillbilly twins and the strange raggedy daughter is played by Jean Heather, she is suppose to be mentally ill (they usually are when the parents are brother and sister) but she is the one who holds the key to the hidden treasure that everyone is looking for.

The clue to the secret it is locked in her mind via a little song she kept singing to herself. A catchy little number that all NPR listeners are familiar with, it shares the same opening notes to the theme song of "ALL THINGS CONSIDERED".

A VIEW TO A KILL

A VIEW TO A KILL-



The last of Roger Moore's role as James Bond. A lot of people hated his reign as the king of super spies, I don't hold such a critical opinion of the Moore series, but I have to say that "A view to a kill" was a terrible way to finish off his term.

Even though I loved the Duran Duran theme song and Grace Jones was perfect as a Bond villan , but everything else was just a flop, I think from the moment May Day (Jones) parachuted off from the Eiffel Tower the movie just go down hill from there...the worst part was the long chase scene with the 60 year old Bond climbing around a fire engine going up and down the slopes of downtown San Francisco.

Tanya Roberts the former Charlie's Angel plays Stacey Sutton, one of the dullest of Bond girls I've ever seen, well until I saw Vesper Lynd of "Casino Royale". There's another character in the movie with the name of Jenny Flex, I think she would've been a much better choice for the leading girl.

A good thing is that Moore's age really shows in this film, everyone can tell he's really tired of playing Bond and looking forward to his retirement. One of the worst joke in this movie was when the SFPD try to arrest Bond for disturbing the peace, Bond tells the officer "I'm Bond, James Bond..."
the cop says: "Yeah? And I'm Dick Tracey!"
That's like one of those moments on TV when the character know they are a TV show and start to address the audience...that totally destroys its made up universe! It's just plain wrong!

But I have to say that Grace Jones was the best part of this movie, and the character Pan Ho played by a middle aged pseudo Asian actress Papillon Soo Soo is also good for laughs...in the end I can't decide whether I hated "A view to a kill" as much as I hated "The world is not enough " with Pierce Brosnan and Denice Richards...or the Bronsan's finale as Bond in the stinker "Die another day"...

AIRPORT SERIES (1970-1979)

AIRPORT SERIES (1970-1979)

AIRPORT- To the best of my knowledge is the start of the whole genre of "Disaster Movies". With its all star cast and big budget special effects, this really draw my interest. I just love the sight of people running for their lives!
I can't go into all the details for all of these "Airport" movies, BUT they range from blowing up a plane to commit suicide to terrorism, from shooting the concorde with a couple of heat seeking missles to giant 747 crashing beneath the Pacific Ocean, these movies just bring so much joy the audience.
Watching Lee Grant washed away face down in flooded plane....Charo sneaking a puppy dog on board by stuffing it in her brassier...A no name actor plays a blind man singing about "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"....Martha Ray trapped in the bathroom getting all wet as the plane flips upside down...Karen Black trying to land a plane after the cockpit has been blown away with the pilots sucked out into the sky ....Cicely Tyson fights to save the frozen heart from falling off the overhead compartment as her dying son awaits the heart for a transplant ...the endless excitment and laughter is what I live for!
These movies has great drama, over acting, cheesy background music and bad dialogue you just cannot pass it up! Hey, where else can you see George Kennedy in a nude scene?!

SORRY WRONG NUMBER

SORRY WRONG NUMBER- Is another wonderful "helpless-crazy-woman-in-danger" movie. This stars Barbara Stanwyck as the evil Leona Stevenson, a rich spoiled and controlling heiress of a pharmaceutical company. Her husband is played by Burt Lancaster, an man she stole from her college roommate, later he was tricked into marrying her.

This really is a good classic thriller from the 1940's. Stanwyck's character Leona is left alone sick in bed one night , while trying to locate her husband on the phone, she accidentally over hears two thugs planning a murder when the lines are crossed! (thank you AT&T) The rest of the movie you'll follow Leona as she tries to find her husband, the killers and the identity of the would-be victim. Through this journey you'll learn more about her past and how manipulative she really is...perhaps she'll might get exactly what she deserves...

My favorite line in the movie is from Burt Lancaster as he shouts into the phone to Stanwyck:
"I want you to do something. I want you to get yourself out of the bed, and get over to the window and scream as loud as you can. Otherwise you only have another three minutes to live!" - Isn't that wonderful?!

STRANGERS ON A TRAIN

STRANGERS ON A TRAIN-
Is really an excellent Hitchcock film, flawless performance, great suspense, and some very funny moments! Everyone turned in a great performance from Robert Walker as the gay psychotic Bruno Anthony to Farley Grainger as the charming Guy Haines, but to me it was Hitchcock's own daughter; Patrica as the nosey Barbara Morton is the one who stole the show!
With her funny lines like: I still think it would be wonderful to have a man love you so much he'd kill for you.
AND...
Senator Morton: Poor unfortunate girl.
Barbara Morton: She was a tramp.
Senator Morton: She was a human being. Let me remind you that even the most unworthy of us has a right to life and the pursuit of happiness.
Barbara Morton: From what I hear she pursued it in all directions.

Barbara Morton's character shares similar features as Guy Haines' evil ex-wife Mirim Haines, which is hilarious to me because Mirim is suppose to be the town slut...But can you imagine a tramp wearing coke bottle schoolmarm glasses and short plump figure?

Another wonderful minor character in the movie is Mrs. Anthony, Bruno's mother, played by Marion Lorne (Aunt Clara from TV's Bewitched), Lorne brought in the same bumbling goofy mannerism of Aunt Clara in this movie and joking with her crazy son Bruno saying stuff like, "Oh Bruno, I hope you're not serious about blowing up the White House...you naughty naughty boy.."

The best scene come in at the end of the movie, the out of control speeding merry-go-round! Man do I wish I could have witness that in real life! 50 or so kids riding on a merry-go-round at a 100 miles per hour until it explodes out of its foundation! Wow kids flying eveywhere and parents run screaming up to the mess...! DELICIOUS!!

Even without all the humor, "Strangers on a train" is an excellent thriller!

DEAR HEART

DEAR HEART-
Yep you've probably heard the Oscar winning theme song "Dear Heart" a million times in old time radio, but my favorite version of this Henry Mancini song is the cover by Mrs. Miller. With the low-budget sets and half of the supporting cast were from TV shows like "The Dick Van Dyke Show" and "Bewitched", I was surprised to learn this was a theater release back in 1964. As a matter of fact both Alice Pearce and Sandra Gould the two Mrs. Kravits from "Bewitched" were feature in this movie, it was quite shocking to me, it was like some weird collision of parallel worlds.

Geraldine Page and Glen Ford plays two strangers hooking up at a Greeting Card/Postal Service convention. It's pretty amusing to see all the suggestive comments and orgies played in this film, there was scene where all the middle aged conventioneers were drunk and singing at the hall as Alice Pearce (the original Mrs. Gladys Kravits) shouts "I WANT EVERYONE IN THE ROOM TO GO TO BED!!" or Glenn Ford trying to pick up to woman at the newsstand counter by saying, "You know, I have a psychic thing"...she replies: "Well I don't wanna see it!"

Angela Lansbury has a small part in this movie as Ford's fiancee and Michael Anderson JR plays her beatnik son. I just like this movie for the corny jokes, the retro sets and I really like the apartment Glenn Ford picked for him and his fiancee, right above an Italian cafe.

FEMALE ON THE BEACH

FEMALE ON THE BEACH-

Eeek! What can I say about this movie? Totally creepy, anyone that would consider Joan Crawford as a "Pretty Girl" has problems, and that's what the guys in this movie keep saying...Jeff Chandler plays Drummand Hall or all his friends call him "Drummy". Drummy is a gigolo owned by Queenie and Osbert Sorenson a couple of old con artists living on the beach. Using Drummy's flesh to lure rich lonely widows to their trap, inviting them to parties and play poker with a set of marked playing cards.

This movie starts out with Eloise Crandall (Judith Evelyn) taking a swan dive off a whiskey bottle to her death from the balcony of her beach house. Afterwards the new owner Lynn Markham (Crawford) moves in. Acting as cold hearted to everyone as possible, Markham say things like: " I want to be left alone, it's something I've been craving for".

So when young Drummand Hall shakes his booty to attract this widow he's left out in the cold with remarks like: "I have a long list of dislikes...and it's getting longer" or "I wouldn't have you if you come with diamonds hung upside down!"

Charles Drake plays the boring Lieutenant Galley who is also in love with Joan. He calls himself a Beach Cop, "I walk around getting sand in my shoes and ask a lot rich people questions..."
He'll do anything to protect the beautiful widow from falling in love with this swindler, because he wants her to himself...Galley can sneak into the beach house whenever he wants and spit out sarcastic comments to Crawford like: "Give my regards to Drummy...He's real tall isn't he?"

This movie has some really nice and corny lounge music in the background and the beach house has the funniest doorbell you'll ever hear. But as usual Joan wins the prize as this tough broad Lynn Markham, no con man will steal her money or her heart.

"How you like your coffee?" he asks.

"ALONE!" She says...


But in the end Drummy gets his woman, after she splashes wine to his white tux and slaps him in the face. He chases her down the beach, rips off her dress, rapes her and the next thing you know she's in love!